Good Advice...

Taking good advice is a good idea.  Thank you to Ron for the suggestion on how to fix the problem i had created. I decided to give it a try.

While he was in the other room, i got out the stool and put the blanket on it and sat down.  When my Dom came out he knew what that meant.  Gave him a very nice long BJ.  Made sure to look up at him a lot.  Kept my hands held behind my back for most of it, eventually grabbed onto his legs for a better grip so to speak.  Swallowed like a good girl.  Then he had me get on all fours on the bed and pounded me to the heights of pleasure!  What a night.  When we had finished i gave him a hug and kiss and told him i was sorry about the other night.  Needless to say we were both feeling wonderful.

Think twice... before speaking!

Had a bad experience the other day.  It was of my own doing  really.  I made a bad choice and it provoked a bad ending...

It was late and my Dom and I are in the middle of some good sex.  The little one wakes up.  No big deal.  It happens sometimes.  Considering I can get kind of loud when I am thoroughly enjoying myself, I am surprised it doesn't happen more often.  I get the little guy off to sleep again.  My Dom and I start over.  This time he wanted me to go down on him and i knew that.  But I didn't feel like it so i kept avoiding it.  I don't know why... it's not like I don't enjoy it.  It does get to my jaw sometimes.  Some positions make it a lot worse.  Anyway I finally decided I would do it.  But instead of just doing it I went and said something spiteful.  I think I said "Well we might as well beat up my mouth now".  He replied with "If that's how you feel about it, I'd rather just pass the *(@# out".  I instantly regretted what I had said.  No way to take it back now.  We went to bed unsettled that night.  Which I absolutely hate to do.  I couldn't sleep for a good long while of course, so i had plenty of time to think about it.

Went to sleep last night still not talking about the incident.  I miss the days when I could have begged for a spanking to ease my conscience.  I want to make it better.  But I'm not quite sure what to do about it.  I guess I will start with an apology for making myself look and sound like an ass.  Then I will offer my mouth for his pleasure of course.  I am ashamed to post this.  I feel like I failed.  But I will do it to shame myself.

On the brighter side...

Okay, so I've remembered to take my pills for a few days in a row now.  Feeling pretty good today.  Decided to rearrange my sons room today.  Nice and tidy now.  I think he likes it. :D  Been doing better at my diet.  Trying to eat better.  It is hard... cooking for two twenty+ young males.  Lol.

I miss being able to include Domestic Discipline on a daily basis.  I remember a time when i didn't think i would survive without it.  Well, survive I do.  But i miss it a lot.  I hope in time we will be able to live like that again.  Nothing so powerful or sexy as my man saying that is enough and having my rear-end blistered.

I am glad he allows me to participate with spankher4real and get a little discipline in my life.  It helps some and I enjoy being a part of something that isn't home.

Now, to focus on my will-power and get it back up to where it was when i was pregnant.  I lost like fifty pounds or so when i was pregnant.  Got my A1C all the way down to 4.7 which is beyond terrific.  I tried so hard... to avoid a c-section since diabetic mothers tend to have large babies especially around the shoulder area.  So what happens... they induce my labor and i end up getting an emergency c-section anyway.  Baby was 7lbs 13oz.  He kept hanging up on something inside of me.  I assume my innards were not what they should be due to childhood sexual trauma.  Thanks to that bastard.

Anyhow, i am grateful to be feeling good.  The sky is blue, the curtains are open and i am listening to some of my favorite music.  It is a good day.  The guys are cleaning up around the outside of the house.  THANK YOU for that.  When we moved into this house it came with a lot of mess outside.  Needless to say, we haven't gotten rid of most of it yet.  Hopefully this summer we can accomplish it.  Good Lord Willing!

The view from the front of our home. <3

One of those days...

Today is just one of those days.  The kind that make you want to spit fire and roar with rage at the world.  I am tired.  Lack of decent sleep for the last three years is adding up.  My son is special needs.  Super hyper-active and constantly on the go.  I suffer from severe depression.  I have been having a horrible time remembering to take my medications regularly.  Today I want to cry.  Like, all day long.  I feel like i am stuck in a very dark and deep hole.  I feel like i can barely see the light at the top of the hole and that i may never find my way out.

I have no energy.  Does not help that my Thyroid doesn't produce the hormones i need.  I have a medicine for that... but it obviously isn't helping if i forget to take the blasted thing.  Not to mention i am deficient in Vitamin D.  I am supposed to be taking an OTC Vitamin D but we have never purchased it.  Not like we can really afford it anyway.

I am supposed to be on a diet.  To get down to a healthier weight.  I do suffer from Diabetes, Hypertension and my Thyroid barely functions.  Today i feel like taking care of myself is impossible.  How can i possibly take care of myself when i spend my time taking care of everybody else.  I don't even have time to see my doctor.  Unfortunately i am so low today i don't even really care about anything.  I hate when i feel like that.