Let's get busy and work on this mess!

 Just a short list of some things that i have been thinking about that I need to change.

Procrastination-  I am terrible at putting things off and off and then off some more.  Things like paper-work... or my blog, or anything else that i don't feel like working on for whatever reason i have.

Negativity-  My negative attitude tends to cause me more problems than almost anything.  It's not entirely something i can control i don't think.  But i could learn some more coping skills for dealing with things that tend to make me negative.

Medication-  Why in the world is it so hard for me to remember to take my medication.  Or, why when I do remember, do i still put off taking them!  What the heck do i do that for?  I know it is important and yet i still think of reasons to put off taking them... or forgetting completely.

Communication-  Sometimes i forget to actually communicate how i am feeling.  Typically i am not aware when i do this.  But i know that i am quite capable of communicating.  I guess i just get stubborn sometimes.

What i have noticed about myself is that i do great at most things when i first start.  But then something happens.  Maybe i get busy and forget to do something.  Or my schedule changes and everything gets out of whack.  All it takes is that one incident.  Next thing i know my mind is like, why bother i already screwed up anyway.  What a goofy way to look at things, right?  Yet i do it anyhow.  It is so hard to overcome some of the simplest things.

When the D.D. falls away

It was one of those days where everyone was tired and needed a break.  I said some things that i should not have.  This made James very unhappy with me.  Unfortunately it escalated into an argument that went on for quite a while and left everyone involved feeling drained and unhappy.

At the time I didn't feel like I had done anything that was so wrong i deserved to be yelled at like i was.  I still don't think I should have been yelled at, but i realize that what i did was wrong and that it only managed to make everything in the situation worse which in turn brought the yelling.  Not to mention I did a fair amount of yelling myself.  Truth be told, James very rarely loses his temper to the point of actually yelling at me.  I knew i screwed up.

Ideally I wouldn't have lost my temper and ever started with the negativity, complaining and rude remarks.  In a perfect world i wouldn't make mistakes at all.  Of course i don't live in a perfect world and tend to make a lot of mistakes that i wish i wouldn't make.  In my ideal world he would have walked over to me, grabbed my chin to meet eyes and said in his best command tone "Your getting your butt whipped tonight and if you don't stop this behavior right now its going to be a lot worse".  It has been so long since he has actually said something like that... it would be good he was holding me by the chin... it may have very well hit the floor.

I awoke in the middle of the night.  My conscience was getting to me and i was trying to think of some way to resolve the problem as well as lessen the chance that it will happen again in the future.  Ever!